So with that being said, I would like to share a little lesson I learned at our Christmas eve service this year. Unfortunately this lesson really had nothing to do with what was spoken about in the service, but had everything to do with what God has been doing in my heart lately.
I have started reading through the Bible. I have been reading since the end of October and I am already in the book of Job. It is very interesting to read through the Bible and read all of the Old Testament books with laws and demands from God upon his people. To be completely honest, I was actually angry at God when I first started reading all of the laws he expected the Jewish people to maintain on a regular basis in order to be with Him. I know it is a blasphemous thought, but I was actually thinking "God who do you think you are to demand all of this from these people?" ...crazy right? But this is the world we live in. We think we are better than God. Well we are not. And once I wrapped my mind around this, my perspective of God and the Bible began to change. As I am reading through the Bible,I am feeling this sense of longing and yearning for Christ to come. I can feel God's impatience with his children as he gives them chance after chance to repent and come near to him. It has really impacted my view of this Christmas season. In a sense I have viewed this season from a Judeo-Christian perspective.
I also have a friend who comes from a Christian background who is married to a man of Jewish faith. I have had the privilege to wrestle with some of my questions about the Old Testament with her. All in all, it has been a very rewarding experience so far and I can't wait until I have reached the New Testament and everything starts to fall into place. Then, and only then, will I really get answers to my questions about the Old Testament.
So that is part one of this story. The next part has to do with when Josiah was born and the crazy stuff we went through around that time. I won't go into too much detail, because it's on my personal blog "estranged normality" but basically my son came four weeks early after I spent 3 weeks on bed rest, and in and out of hospital for pre-eclampsia. Then we spent a week in hospital after his birth for various nicu issues. It was not fun. We lost out on 7 weeks of pregnancy. The time most people use to get themselves ready for a baby. We had no crib, no baby room, no car seat, no diapers or clothes... No blankets... Nothing. (Thank goodness for my sister in law and good friend!). We weren't prepared. And when Josiah did come (emergency c-section after 3 days of inductions) it took a good 24-48 hours for us to even really realize we had a child. Tired, exhausted and emotionally spent.... When we got home from the hospital I just cried and cried. Everyone else was more excited about our baby than I was. I was an over-tired, pre-epilepticaly high blood pressured, c-section recovering, Valium-taking wreck. I was not happy to be a parent. Not even a little bit.
Well, as I sat in our Christmas Eve service, the band started playing a peppy randition of hark the herald angels sing. And I suddenly realized I wasn't ready. Spiritually, I mean I am only on the book of Job! It's not time for Christmas yet! And then I thought about mother Mary... Oh my goodness... This is the first year I have ever identified with her for real. She lost out on several nesting weeks because of a stupid census. She had to ride on a donkey while 8-9 months pregnant (we assume). She delivered in hay and crap with no medical staff, no doctor, no monitors, no one to check her baby's vitals.... No diapers or wipes or heated bed for baby... No pain killers....
And after that after the agony and humiliation of having her fiancé (who has never seen her naked) deliver her child (who is not his) in a culture where men were never in the room for baby deliveries... After holding God, trying to clean up baby God's tar-poop without diapers or wipes, no sleep, surrounded by filth, her own internal blood and water... Some shepherds come to say hello. ... The bible says she "pondered these things in her heart". I think that's code for "Mary kept her mouth shut because she wanted to say "go away you stupid shepherds! Can't you see I am in the worst place I have ever been!?!?"
"... Hark the herald angels sing.... Glory to the newborn king... The heavens rejoiced... And I bet Mary was crying... Joseph was probably as depressed as a young man could be, having not been able to prevent the current situation and humiliation on his fiancé.
A merry Christmas indeed. Mary had no idea what it would all mean. She didnt know what would happen when she got pregnant. Her birth plans definitely didn't materialize how she expected. She never got to experience newlywed bliss with Joseph... Mary had no idea what "save us from our sins" would mean when she raised her sweet little boy.
But one thing she did know: God is to be trusted and obeyed. And this she did well. And I think we all owe her a "thank you" whether you think "mother Mary" deserves a place in the church or not.
